CHEEKY SWINES
BREAKING NEWS, as Sky Sports anchor Jim White might scream - apparently Chelsea have made a massive bid for Fernando Torres.
Oooooooooh. Fight! Fight! Fight!
More on that one here...
CURBISHLEY STAYING ON AT WEST HAM
Bad news for West Ham fans: Alan Curbishley is apparently staying on as manager.
The Guardian says that, in a peculiar verdict on being tenth all season, the board have expressed themselves 'satisfied' with this year's campaign.
'Although there has been frustration about the style of football, and a feeling in some quarters that the team ought to have kicked on more, the board, which met yesterday for six hours, accept that injuries had undermined their prospects,' the newspaper reports.
Although the Hammers are set to embark on a summer of clearing out the over-paid rubbish from the squad (many of whom Curbishley signed), the paper describes opening talks with Dean Ashton as 'one of their first tasks'.
FERGIE TO HAVE £50m TO SPEND
As you can read elsewhere on the site, ManYoo chief executive David Gill has promised Sir Alex Ferguson funds for new players this summer. The general consensus is that Fergie will have as much as £50m to spend.
So how will he spend it? With Louis Saha spending more time on the treatment table than a football pitch, a striker - Dimi Berbatov and Klass Jan Huntelaar are the favourites - is bound to be under consideration. So, too, a right-back, although, to borrow a sentence from The Independent, 'United deny that they had an interest in the Porto right-back Jose Bosingwa, who joined Chelsea yesterday for £16.1m.'
To borrow a second and third sentence: 'But a player whose name is back in circulation is Miguel Veloso of Sporting Lisbon, the club who sold Nani and Cristiano Ronaldo to Ferguson in recent years. Suggestions in Portugal that Sporting are already seeking a replacement for Veloso may mean that United are interested, despite the spat between Ferguson's assistant Carlos Queiroz and the Sporting president last autumn over allegations of a tap-up.'
The other position in which Ferguson is expected to strengthen is left-back. Mikael Silvestre, the only obvious cover for Patrice Evra, may well depart Manchester in the coming weeks and United have already been linked with Racing Santander's Argentine full-back Ezequiel Garay.
IT SAYS HERE THAT THE STRIKER MANYOO ARE AFTER IS FABIANO...
Whooo there! Transfer Gossip has just stumbled across The Times, whose back page this morning declares that the striker ManYoo are after isn't Berbatov, nor Huntelaar, but Seville's Luís Fabiano.
'United are not yet thought to have spoken to Seville about Fabiano, 27, but they have been informed of his availability by a third party and have scouted him extensively in recent weeks, with Ferguson having sought reports from his brother, Martin, who is the club's chief European scout, Jim Lawlor, the chief scout, and Mike Phelan, the first-team coach. Their interest will hinge on a dispute with Seville, with Fabiano and his representatives convinced that he can be bought for £8.6 million. The Spanish club are standing by a prohibitive £46.8 million valuation that they claim is in his contract,' the paper claim.
'If Fabiano is available at a cut-price fee, United will make their move, but, if not, they will consider other targets. Ferguson admires Berbatov, who is eager to leave Tottenham, but he is said to be unsure about the Bulgarian's workrate and his ability to perform against top-class opponents.'
In contrast to the Indy, the Times says that the defensive reinforcements are most likely to be Philipp Lahm (whom they 'remain keen on') and Micah Richards (whose situation at Citeh is being 'monitored').
However, that far more august journal The Sun reckons that is all a load of poppycock, and claim that Dani Alves is the man they want in a tit-for-tat moment of excellence. If Chelsea nick the right-back United want, then United will nick the right-back Chelsea want.
A BIG CHEQUE FOR BIG CZECH BIG CECH
More vague news from The Sun for you, who claim that 'a big club' are willing to pay oodles and oodles of cash for Chelsea keeper Petr Cech.
Actually, to be fair to them it isn't really The Sun, more Cech's agent, the splendidly named Pavel Zika.
He said: "A very big European club is ready to pay £32m for Petr. At the end of the season we will examine his contract to see if we can improve it."
The Sun carelessly forget to baselessly speculate on who that 'big club' might be, so we'll do it for them. AC Milan could do with a keeper, and if rumours that Jose Mourinho is going to take over there are true then that one could happen. With Oliver Kahn retiring (we think) Bayern Munich might need one, although they are unlikely to splash out quite that much.
Any other suggestions are welcome.
OWEN TO REMAIN OVER-PAID
Toon's attempt to cut Michael Owen's wages by £2m a year will prompt him to look for another club, warns The Daily Mail.
The rest of the story is just waffle so we won't bother with highlighting any extracts. However, what should be stressed is that while a wage cut of £2m sounds hefty, the Toon are still prepared to pay Owen £80,000 a week - which, to put that in perspective, is still more than the highest-paid player at Arsenal. And it's thought that only a couple of players in the Prem currently earn more than the £120,000 Owen receives every Friday.
And where would he go anyway? None of the Big Four want him - forget that nonsense in Sunday's News of the World about Owen interesting ManYoo - and his only other realistic option is Everton. Transfer Gossip would eat its proverbial hat if the Toffees were able to offer Owen £80k a week.
SPURS AND TOON WANT DUNNE
Both Newcastle and Tottenham want Richard Dunne, according to the Mail.
The Citeh captain has become unsettled due to the ridiculous goings-on at Manchester this year, and may welcome the opportunity to link up with his former manager Kevin Keegan at Newcastle.
However, the Toon will apparently face competition from Spurs who are described as being 'keen to recruit Dunne as a partner for Jonathan Woodgate with doubts remaining over Ledley King's long term future. They are unlikely to be able to match Newcastle's wages but would offer European football.'
AND FINALLY...
Here's a nice one from The Daily Mirror to close things off today:
'Hull are lining up a £1million bid for Fiorentina striker Christian Vieri if the Tigers win promotion.'
AND THE REST...
Manchester United are set to beat Chelsea and Arsenal to the signing of Cardiff teenager Aaron Ramsey...Kieran Richardson has pleaded with Sunderland boss Roy Keane not to sell him after being axed for being late...George Boateng has told Middlesbrough he will quit the club if he does not feature more...Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez has told Peter Crouch and Jermaine Pennant he has yet to decide if he will sell them. Benitez will wait until after May 29th - the date FIFA will make a decision on proposals to have six home-grown players in every team - before making a decision...West Ham will make a cut-price £2.5million bid for Reading left-back Nicky Shorey once they offload the likes of Freddie Ljungberg, Luis Boa Morte, Lucas Neill and Bobby Zamora...Barnsley midfielder Brian Howard will hold talks with the club over a new deal, with Everton, Bolton and Wigan waiting to pounce...Portsmouth are set to make a £12million offer for Benfica's Brazilian defender Luisao...Tottenham hope to make Blackburn winger Morten Gamst Pedersen their first signing of the summer - but Blackburn will reject Spurs' £4million offer...Sunderland have joined Blackburn in the race to sign Sheffield United midfielder Michael Tonge...Middlesbrough boss Gareth Southgate has made Chelsea midfielder Steve Sidwell his number one transfer target...Crystal Palace's sought after teenager John Bostock is on the verge of joining Tottenham.
Top Searches
The Really Rather Good Gossip
Now let's hear what you've got to say about this item... or anything else happening in the world of football. Send in your opinions, rants, praise or abuse to: theeditor@football365.com
Your Comments
mace
"News! News! News! Private driver says Fabrice Muamba seen at Bolton training Ground!! also Olivier Kapo has been spotted shaking hands with David Moyes!! "
martinbryden
"Maka You have to have the wildest imagination I have ever seen mate! Whatever you are smoking I suggest you quite for a while or pass it on;) I'll eat my hat if one of your predictions about Rooney, Tevez, Torress, Ronaldo or Gerrard comes right! And by the way do you actually have any meaning of the word "FACT"? You should be banned from using it mate. "
Bart
"Maka spotted in Lala land buying Pixie Dust"
felderkirk
"Paul Scholes spotted in Portsmouth city centre buying a couch."
exodia
"Maka, are u drunk or something? "
Chelsea1905
"Aint the rumours great. Surprise surprise at Spurs wanting someone. Who'd have thought it. Papers should just have an agreement to confirm Spurs are interested in everyone, especially those under 24 and midfielders. And then stop printing anymore stories about them. As for "wewonitfivetimes" stating Torres is not motivated by money, just cos he's done well in his first season, don't kid yaself that this player has integrity that escapes others. He wont last at liverpool if they continue to finished 3rd and 4th year after year."
Maka
"haha He who laughs last, laughs loudest. I said two days ago that Torres would be leaving Liverpool and now it is fact. However Torres won't be going to Chelsea, he will move to Man U who will use the money from the Rooney, Tevez & Ronaldo sales to fund this purchase plus others. I also said that no decent club will buy Berbatov because he is a dud and once again that is now fact. For those that missed it Man U will sell Rooney & Tevez because although being decent footballers they are not great at putting the ball in the back of the net which is one of the requirements of their position. I also said that Owen would be leaving Newcastle for Man U which again is now fact. What hasn't been announced yet but will anyday now is that Liverpool will be getting rid of Gerrard while they can. Liverpool to AC Milan for sure. Arsenal has far more money than has been announced to buy players because they will sell Fabregas to Real while people are still stooged into believing he is half decent. Once again that is the word from Maka. Ha Ha!"
goudie
"Bart, would you nock off a third from your wages just because you were physically unable to do your job over the last few years? Come off it, of course he's not going to take a 40K pay cut regardless of what the Toon Army think of him. His hearts never been there anyway."
connellism
"albaross What do you mean? Where in the article does it mention Anderson? They mention Nani and C Ronaldo..."
wewonit5times
"HA HA HA nice try chelski but dont be so ridiculous... torres isnt the type of player that moves clubs cause of the money like the rest of your squad! HIS ARMBAND PROVED HE WAS A RED TORRES TORRES!!!! LMAO 40 MILLION!!"
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